why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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