Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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