I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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