someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
