Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
