I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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