i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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