She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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