i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
