she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
