its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
did you just send me my own nude
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
