I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
