Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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