so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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