I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
