No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
