Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
