We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
