im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
