Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize