I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
