either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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