well I can't set my house on fire every night
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
