Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
