He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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