From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The ass gains better be worth it
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