a queef is a wish your heart makes.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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