I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
