his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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