You don't have asthma, your pregnant
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
