I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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