I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
