we're chasing vodka with high fives
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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