someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
