all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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