I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
