haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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