did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
