he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We named our party play list daddy issues
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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