we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
