Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Randomize
