He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
