I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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