I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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