grandma shit on top of the toilet
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
