you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
