were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
