Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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