Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
