I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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