dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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