I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
