Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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