I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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