My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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