I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
