I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
They are going to name an STD after you.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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