i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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