just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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