well you can't waste a boner
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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