watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
