No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
