if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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