Whod you bang
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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