I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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