I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
