not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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