Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
