Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
