every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
