well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
