Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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